its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
