; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
