That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize