i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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