hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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