Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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