every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
