Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
