the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
