My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize