She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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