okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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