I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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