I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
