I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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