There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
