Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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