she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
