i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
