Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
