I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
