I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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