she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
