Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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