In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
