the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
