She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
