small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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