Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
