I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
