Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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