Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
