i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
