I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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