thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
