that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
