I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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