he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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