We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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