I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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