I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
