He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
