The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
