So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
