Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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