omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
