She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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