Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
