Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize