I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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