...so i touched it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
