She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
