I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
