I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
