I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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