his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
