I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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