I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
