i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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