anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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