Umm I'm too high to move.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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