Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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