I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
