Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
