So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
