hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are we in a gay sports bar?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
