Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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