I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
